Growth

“You’ve changed”

“I liked your older stuff better”

“I don’t see your style in your writings anymore”

I get this all the time. From friends. From family. From loved ones. Ever since moving to London I’ve received these well-intentioned “critiques”. This makes it seem like the fire is just not in me anymore. Like I can’t hold the pen steady anymore.

In a sense that’s true with my relationship with “her”. The beautiful Literature. We grew really close when I was little. There was a fiery passion there. Spending all day with her. Staying up all night. Listening to my parents complain that I’m spending too much time with her, but barely listening because I’m with her even then. 

But that was a long time ago. It’s none of her faults, of course. I didn’t stay true. I began dividing my attention. To my phone, to games, to movies, to TV shows. I found it harder and harder to spend that much time with a good book. When did this happen? When did a night of Stranger Things and Game of Thrones feel easier than an all-nighter with good hardback?? When did a few hours of reading become tedious?

It is how it is. I don’t see it as a downgrade from books. Nor do I see it as an upgrade. It is what it is: a change. It is an evolution. I still read. The only difference is that my mind is not exclusively focused on one thing.

“Life is about growth.” I’ve seen my earlier works. Yeah, they’re different. I was curious to find this “zest” that I’m apparently missing.

I started off with a story. I had submitted it to a competition and it got a merit award. From there my writing style turned more into a semi-fictional narration of my life. I took major inspiration from Diary of a Wimpy kid and tried to entertain the best I can.

Then I change again. Soon after the comedic diary style, I started to form a type of “split personality” style writing where the “other me” would be used as a comedic device. A lazy way to land punchlines. I know. It was at this time that I was voraciously consuming YouTube content, and that had a big influence on my style.

Clearly, I’m influenced by whatever type of media I’m consuming at the moment. At this moment I happen to be consuming more news than anything. Which I feel is reflected in my writings. I don’t see this as a bad thing, even if others do. I call it growth. I can’t let one style define me forever. I will evolve. I will thrive.